My art and I are going through difficult times. We should be in couples therapy, we're so uncertain of each other. I used to feel I knew who I was as a writer, but now I'm trying to find out all over again.
I don't write stories anymore...the motivation literally just disappeared after graduate school. I write novels, but not the girl-comes-home-seeking-redemption-family-dramas anymore. The last two novels I've written (okay, one is still in progress) have taken a decidedly off beat path. They take liberties with reality, and yes I'm dodging the word fantasy because they're not set in funny kyndoms peopled by magic-spinning creatures and mystical royal families. They're set in reality but they ask the reader to consider that some elements of our mundane lives may not be as mundane as we think.
Still...is that who I am as a writer?
I think I've become a writer who finds the questions more interesting than the answers and sets out to write narratives that will allow readers to answer questions I pose for themselves. The thing is, I just don't know if I'm any good.
I know, it's funny after all these years to ask it. But my novels are still unpublished. I'm still writing them, but I have lost my ability to feel where I stand in relationship to the publishing world. I used to think I had what it takes. Now I just don't know. I wish, instead, that I could reach directly out to readers--deliver my novels into their hands without the middle guy. Of course, in this culture, we call that self-publishing, and it is sneered at.
I think I need a retreat. Some reflection time. Who is Jordan E. Rosenfeld, writer? What does she have to say?