Friday, January 26, 2007

This morning I'm thinking about mis-interpretation.

Have you ever been seen in a way you found surprising, because it did not jive with your internal experience of yourself? Have you ever found someone else to be not what you thought they were, to your surprise?

I've long been a hyper-sensitive person. Us HS's are good at hiding that because if you show too much of it, you get called names and people think you're weak and they generally go out of their way to avoid or torture you. I learned that a long time ago. To survive you must build a persona that does not appear sensitive.

My personae have changed over the years and can often morph at will. I've gotten so good at it, my own mother can't read through it.

These are the things that people have thought of me, vs. how I was really feeling:

Perception Real State

Aloof/snob Shy, insecure
Superior/Know-it-all Terrified of being seen as less than, dumb,
Braggart Feeling like a failure
Cold Hurt or angry
Bitter/sarcastic Hurt or angry
Prissy Scared
Withdrawing Overwhelmed

I've been thinking about how we passive-aggressively relate to one another when we are hurt or angry or any of those feelings above and can't say it, because it's rarely safe, or we perceive that to be so. Our pride, our egos get so easily jounced and pushed around, and like the children we were when we learned how to behave in the first place, we lash out. We protect ourselves. I have been guilty of this so many times.

It is my goal to stop taking things so personally. Even the worst behavior usually comes from a place of fear or hurt, something unresolved in the person. Therefore, it has nothing to do with you (or me, in this case).



At 9:29 AM, Blogger Ms. said...

Oh, yeah. This post really hit home. There's a bunch of people who think I'm a totally cold, heartless bitch, for example. :) Seriously.

Also, I'm always struck how introverts can get the short end of the stick in terms of how people characterize them as aloof, when they are just shy.


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