Yes, I need to pick myself up off the muddy floor and carry on with my life. Or should I say "Kerry on" with my life? I admit it: I'm depressed. I'm dejected. I'm disappointed in my country, in fear tactics, in the overruling addiction of our leader, and the people of this country to money, oil, power. Watching the movie "Outfoxed" tonight did not help. I realize now that the propaganda machine has been spinning for a long time, and so subtly we didn't even realize how good a job it was doing. I feel like somehow it is my job now, as part of the left, to figure out a way to be as smart and savvy about creating a successful message-making machine for the greater good. The greater good. That's not an American concept, is it?

I'm trying to be brave, to keep up my spirits, to believe in true progress. But I half expect some alien race to land here, shaking their little cosmic heads with a big apology and say: "Sorry, we gave this experiment a shot, but it just isn't working out. You'll all have to be annhilated now." I am starting to understand what it really means to be a liberal. To care about the needs and rights of the underdog, to want simple things like healthcare and clean water, and a future that is worth preserving. But it's more than that. It's not really caring about driving a fancy car or living in a big house. It's not wanting things so much as meaning. It's remembering what the arts are all about--seeking out some deeper, spiritual context in this existence that surpasses what money can buy. It's to be called an idealist, and to start to be okay with that.

I guess I just have to keep writing.

Gosh, this is hard.

I leave you with this great quote:

"Sometime in your life, hope that you might see one starved man, the look on his face when the bread finally arrives. Hope that you might have bought it or baked it or even kneaded it yourself. For that look on his face, for your meeting his eyes across a piece of bread, you might be willing to lose a lot, or suffer a lot, or die a little, even." --Daniel Berrigan, Peace Activist.

J