I'm re-reading John Fowles' The Magus some 9 or 10 years later, hoping that with some wisdom and life experience in me since the last time I read it, it will make sense to me. I picked it up with the intention to re-read it, coincidentally, the day before Fowles died. (The character Conchis in the book would make meaning out of that). I'm a little bit more than halfway through it and in many ways it does make more sense to me now, though what's so brilliant about the book is that it keeps the reader as befuddled and uncertain as the character Nicholas; you are never quite sure if you should believe anything in a literal way.

The content of the book crept into my dreams and really into my sleep itself, for every time I woke up last night, and I woke up more than three times, I found myself asking a question about the book's meaning. "Is it about how we want to know God? We want God to be the perfect host, providing us with mystery, love, sex and beauty, but as soon as we want to understand WHY God is creating this, the spell is broken?" Then later, "It's about how Nicholas--who is any young, unrealized man, really--wants to believe in the illusion, the fantasy more than he wants reality, because reality is so terribly mundane, but it's also the only place he'll find salvation from himself." (This one I relate to, I have to admit). Then again later, "The book is just a metaphor on life--we think we know why we're here and what our purpose is, but then we just as easily slip into despair that there is no meaning, and no purpose."

It was a very metaphysical night.

Then I've been having these bizarre dreams. About being held captive because a store clerk thought I'd stolen a package of tic-tacs. About rifling through strange photos of a person I know very little who then wanted to get to know me better...just some weird stuff. I think it's all Magus-inspired.

Plus, I really want to see the apparently horrible 1968 movie version of The Magus, which Fowles himself wrote the screenplay for, but I can't seem to find it on DVD. It's a shame too, because it's got Michael Caine, Candace Bergen and Anthony Quinn in it. I read on a Fowles website that someone suggested a remake starring Ralph Fiennes, Ben Kingsley and Charlize Theron. I'd see it.

Anyway... if you have thoughts on The Magus, please share them here.

JPR