To the Woman Who Flipped Me Off on the Freeway:

I forgive you.

It's true that I was driving the speed limit, and that's so 1990 (at which point you were only about 5 years old), so I can see how you'd get uptight after spending five seconds behind me on the road. Since everything is all about you, it's a natural leap of logic to assume that I was driving that slowly to purposely upset you--your rage is totally understandable.

Also, you're likely in withdrawal since the new hands-free cell phone law went into effect. You got so used to talking on the phone with one hand and shifting with the other that having a free hand is probably a little overwhelming. Makes a person think crazy.

Plus it's true I drive a sedan--my car isn't sporty and shiny red like yours; naturally you figured there's some old fart in the driver's seat, and you didn't want to get stuck behind a blue hair.

Finally, how could you know that I was driving slowly and carefully because of my infant in the backseat--it's not like you've got x-ray vision for chrissakes!

Really you had every right to flip me off--I was totally behaving like a jerk. Nobody would blame you for expressing your displeasure.