Monday, May 10, 2004

Producing Word by Word and attending Bennington have had a funny affect on me in regard to the celebrity status of writers. Prior to both things, I had the usual amount of awe and reverence for writers whose work I admired. My first few interviews I had to breathe through terrible butterflies, cold sweats and dry mouth. I was lucky that my first in person interview--with Chitra Divakaruni-- was so easy, but that was all because she was so natural, so free of "airs."

At any rate, now when I am in contact with a writer who used to make my pulse race, I find that I feel quite normal. I'm trying to decide then if I've become jaded, or simply equal. By equal, I mean that where I used to think that these writers were sort of uber-humans, I have come to see their humanity all too well, and recognize it in myself. Though they have success and published books on their side, they don't frighten me. I no longer think that if they are supremely smart, I will inevitably say only stupid things. At least on radio the host is allowed to get away with asking the stupid questions so that the guest can run free and do the heavy lifting of conversation. Nobody wants to hear the host prattle on and on. What I feel is that I too am a writer, just a step away from being published. I have always been a writer, it's not something I decided to try on in college. It's been with me since time immemorial...or er, at least the late seventies, when Kindergarten presented opportunities for manipulation of the alphabet.

Have I lost some respect, or am I coming up out of my station? Nah. I'm just seeing through the veneer.

Oh...wish my book luck, please. Publishers have it in their hands now and I've just decided that they have no choice but to buy it. It's not an option for this book not to sell.



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