Friday, May 07, 2004

My next Bennington residency arrives in just a month, and I'm glad, because something about being elbow to elbow with my fellow writers always puts the spark of purpose back into the game for me. This month I feel as if I've become all too aware of my bad habits, pitfalls and slip-ups without any real way to fix them. I feel a bit like I'm trapped in a groove that I can't find my way free of, and I keep finding myself moving things around in my office, trying to change external things as if this will be the answer. Or maybe it's just that at Bennington I must be a short fiction writer, when in reality I am a novelist, and that novelist in me tries to come out inside every piece I write. I feel as if I've been living inside a bubble, forgetting about the world beyond my computer screen, even going through work in a sort of grey fuzz. Maybe it's because I don't like thinking about the state of the world. Since I'm not an activist of any kind (though my mother sure is) and I'm not a political writer, I feel impotent. I wonder how much this affects me?

I was supposed to interview Lucinda Rosenfeld today for Word by Word, though it slipped her schedule. I think I was just so enamored of the idea that we share the last name, and that the name Rosenfeld could appear on a published book looking so darn cool. At any rate...I wound up doing two hours of pitching through KRCB's pledge drive and though I panic through it all, in the long run I'm glad I did it. We raised $600 through All Things Considered, which apparently was a record for this pledge run. I do hate begging for money, and I don't have the polish that Robin and Bruce--who have been doing this for years--have down, so I fumbled and bumbled, lost track of words, tripped up and all that, still, apparently we were effective.

So if I could just get some little sign or glimpse into what the hell I need to snap me out of the conviction that I am a talentless hack, that would sure be nice.

On a positive note, eight publishers will be considering Shaky Grounds now. Yikes and Yeah! I believe it will be different this time around.

P.S. I love trashy television.


Post a Comment

<< Home